SHADOW WORK BASICS
What is Shadow work?
Shadow work is a further exploration of the “id” (part of the psyche that is completely unconscious) aspect of Freud’s psychoanalytical theory. Swiss psychologist Carl Jung developed the shadow archetype to explain the parts of our self we hide from the world. It’s our unconscious self, the aspects of our being that are created when we reject, repress or deny aspects of ourselves.
When we perceive that an aspect of our self poses a threat our needs (safety, love belonging – Maslow’s hierarchy of needs), we push those aspects of our self into the “shadow”. In an effort to address ours needs we essentially block our energy sources or chakras and completely undermine the initial action of suppressing to address. As you can imagine just from that last sentence it becomes a bit of a pointless cycle.
You suppress your real self to be happy ultimately causing complete unhappiness from not being yourself. If that doesn’t exemplify insanity to you…it should! How do we exit stage left from this hamster wheel prison of chasing a carrot on a string, we will never actually get to bite down on? Keep reading sis, I got you!
Self-acceptance. Sounds simple doesn’t it. Well usually the simpler, the more complex. Nothing is ever as it seems is it? Radical self-acceptance requires you to get real with yourself. What ticks you off about others? How much of that is a reflection of what ticks you off about you. This is the messy part. It’s hard admitting you’re a petty bitch. It’s very hard to admit you’re not married because of you. Oh the horror and pain of realizing you been broke all these years…because of you!
Self-acceptance and shadow work is high level accountability. It requires taking a long hard look at who you are…. Vs who you want to be. Where is the gap? What’s stopping you from building a bridge to close that gap? That’s where your work begins. Wait! We’re going to go deeper. Who were you before they told you, you weren’t? What happened to her? Is she still there? Find her. Breathe life into her.
Self-acceptance looks different for each person. Some of us have suffered trauma or abuse that is so embedded in our implicit memory that we may need help to sort through that dark filthy mess. Trauma or not, studies show that we take actions and certain behaviors come straight from our subconscious. What that means is you can stuff your flaws or secrets or shadows away all you want but every day they control how you move in this world. Think about that. Our Ment to Be love individual coaching sessions help you identify and work through your shadow so you may become full and whole and reclaim your personal power! Book a session today!
Setting Boundaries. Setting boundaries for women seems to be an almost impossible task. With children, boyfriends and husbands, and work it seems like we are always on duty. Why do you feel the need to take care of everybody? Do you feel like if you don’t you won’t be a whole woman? Who told you to be a good woman you had to be super woman. Where did you learn your time was less valuable than everyone else’s? The answer to those questions isn’t so hard. The world, probably your own mother (bless her heart) taught you to put yourself last. I have a secret for you. You don’t have to do shit you don’t want to. THE END.
You don’t have to cook for your man, you aint gotta work overtime, you don’t have to show up to your friend’s birthday party, you don’t have to help your sister move. Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting everyone down and being mean. It’s about self-preservation. You CAN NOT pour from an empty cup. What that looks like is making sure your personal battery is fully charged before you let someone else use your charger. PERIOD! Learn to say No, if that’s how you feel and put a period on the end.
Telling people how you feel. Now let’s not confuse this with the diarrhea mouth I have always had lol. What I mean is so often we tell people what we “think” but not how we feel. There is a difference. I can tell you I think you’re being mean. You will receive that totally differently than if I tell you that you being mean is making me feel unloved and unappreciated by you. See. It’s not the same. You don’t have to tell people everything you are thinking, however you should be comfortable telling people how you feel. Don’t expect anyone to understand how you fell and you haven’t made them aware
Letting go of expectations. This has been the hardest part of my personal shadow work. We all set up and then mortify ourselves with these expectations of who and what we should be and then project them on others. For example, you’ve convinced yourself you need a college degree to be successful. Now you’re killing yourself to graduate in 4 years and nowhere does it state you must graduate in 4 years or go to college honestly to be successful. To make matters worse not only have you set up this imaginary standard for yourself, now you’re using to judge others around you. If your friends aren’t killing themselves in college they are not hot to you.
Do you see how expectations have placed you under stress and now is possibly causing stress to others or at least to your interpersonal relationships? First let’s just all agree to live and let live. Other’s life paths aren’t your business nor do you have any right to judge it. TRUST THE PROCESS! If you can free yourself mentally enough to let go of what you think “it” should look like you can have it!
Long story short, when you beginning to start living in the integrity of who you are, instead of who you think you should be, EVERYTHING CHANGES!